Tear Drop Catcher
by Hikari Nanase
Summary: Words are ambiguous. One thing can mean another- and another thing, yet another. What is a story? Whatever the writer wishes it to be.
1. Default Chapter

"Tear-Drop Catcher" Chapter One

10/27/00

By: Hikari

E-mail to: elvina99@hotmail.com

Notes: Regular disclaimers and such… *sigh* Gomen nasai minna-san, I'm rather depressed. Um… I'll be playing around with metaphors and symbolism again- other than that, time for forced writing. I hate it when I do that. 

*****

Do you hear that?

It's the sound of water dripping…

Why?

I don't know…

I suppose it's because I'm crying…

Or maybe it's just the rain…

Impossible. It's sunny outside.

*****

            Why am I walking on the ceiling? Everything is upside down. I can feel the coldness pricking at the bottom of my bare feet. The nails on my toes had even altered into a hue of bluish purple. Odd. Normally, the cold meant nothing to me. Upside down. Always upside down. What's wrong with this world? Why am I the only one like this? My hair falls in oceanic waves below. But why won't I fall with my hair? Why?

*****

            "Tell me a story…" Suddenly I find myself sitting crouched in front of a doll. An eyeless doll- who's sockets bore into my irises like an endless abyss. The fake jaw to her head falls clackity down to express words. Heat dispels out of her breath, but her lips refuse to move.

            "What story would you like to hear?"

            For some reason, I feel a rush of innocence flow thorough my barren veins. The corners of my thin lips curve and I excitedly ask: "One that I haven't heard of…"

            Again, her lifeless jaw sinks downwards and more mist expels. I cannot focus on anything, but this porcelain figure. There is nothing thing else in this zone where I am. Just this toy's pale painted face- small body adorn with white French lace and hair flowing down in tight brown English curls.

            "There is no such thing as a story you have never heard of."

            My heart sinks- disappointed. "But why?"

            "Because… little girl… a story that isn't remembered doesn't exist. Likewise, if you do not remember a story- IT doesn't exist."

            The doll's words are frightening me. I don't know how to comprehend them. "Please tell me a story… I have nothing left to live for here. I am too different."

            "What story would you like to hear then?"

            Now I am back to the question she had started me with. I want to hear of one I had never known of, but then how? How may I hear such a story? 

"The story of my heart…" Somehow, I had blurted this out loud. "This heart of mine runs blank… However, my heart is still here. Please. Tell me the story of my heart. I have proof it exists because it is within me. Yet, the words to this story are garbled…" I feel heavy… To the extent I fall forward to the empty floor in an echoing thud. My fists curl tightly, the blood from my flesh draining. Lifting my head up violently- tears glide out of my eyes and they glow as they harden before clinking at landing. 

The doll reaches her hand to touch my long sea-green hair. Her stubbed fingers remain inanimate, but they effort to stroke me as though she felt pity for my soul. More hot tears gush out of my eyes- transforming into pearls.

"Very well… But before I tell you the story… present to me your heart…"

Unsure of what to think- I did the most obvious thing by reaching into the garments of my ice blue kimono to expose my chest. My eyes widen at finding what was there… A stark hole… where my life should have been… 


	2. Tear Drop Catcher Chapter 2

'Tear-Catcher" Chapter Two

10/28/00

By: Hikari

Notes: From the Heart section. If this story doesn't make sense- please let me know.

Site: http://www.geocities.com/hikari_nanase/

*****

            "It's so hard to breathe…"

            "You do know why don't you?"

            "It's because I'm drowning myself…"

*****

            "Those who do not have a heart- therefore have no story…"

            Small hands groping about my chest- I sense myself falling into a tempest of panic. I had no heart. My eyes moving back to the doll, she cocks her head to the side curiously. Maybe mockingly. Either way, there is a void within me that would be impossible to find in any normal person… Was I so forsaken?

            "I have a heart…" That response came out unsure- quaky in tone and almost self-assuring.

            "Then where is your blood? Any being would have bled to death by now…"

            "How would you know?!" I cry, more pearls tracking their way down my chilled cheeks. "You are the one without eyes!"

            The doll is silent. Moving her false hand away from my tresses, she speaks more eerily than ever. I shudder at the sight of her. Hard body, hard face. No eyes, but long black lashes bursting out of her retracted lids. Even worse, the voice that matched her appearance. It didn't cackle like a witch- nor giggle like a child… She sounded… empty. An empty woman inside a doll…

"I do not need eyes to see the truth. Real vision may blind you- if you can call it vision…" A pause. "It would be a waste of time for me to tell you a story… You do not have the heart to remember it…"

*****

            "You are lying to me…"

            "No. There are no lies- only misconceptions…"

            "That in itself is a lie."

            "Then there's no truth…"

            "But how can that be?"

            "If you know how history came to be… You'll understand…"

*****

            There is a hole in my body, and I walk around as though it wasn't there. Walking upside down… as always… I'm isolated where I am… No one can reach me. The air runs thin and scarce- by now I have gotten used to it. Still… why am I here? Why am I so different?

            The doll I spoke to- she appeared out of nothingness. To me- everything is a mystery and I am too afraid to touch. If I do so- will I hurt it? Break it? I suppose it doesn't matter. Not too many things reach where I am. Too far- too distant. The young girl chained to the evil depths of storm and winter. Invisible chains… I'm not even sure as to why I must don them. I know nothing of myself…

            A bubble rises from the supposedly happy world below. The translucent sphere drifts towards me. I can easily see a reflection of the lands that hang over my head… or rather… the lands which I hover over wrong-side up. Gingerly, I reach for it- tips of my fingers quite aching to feel the foreign taste of simple bliss. I gently tap the bubble- it pops.

            The liquid that composed it showered over the world below exaggeratedly. Drops of rainbow dew hailed towards the earth. Frantically, I wave my hands about to catch a few. No. I'm upside down. The drops slip past my grasp as I extend my arms upwards in vein to seize just one bit of rainbow. Nothing.

Atmosphere darkening, tears which were welling at my eyes are held back and swallowed thickly. I destroyed something so wonderful without trying… Why?

"It's because you have no heart…"

Turning around, I see the horrific doll from before. A hand clasps over my kimono- half out of fear, the other out of bewilderment. 

Her jaw clanked down. "Without one, you don't belong in the world below you… You are forever trapped here because you do not exist. You have no heart, and so… no story. With no story- you will not be remembered."

"Then why was I created?" It takes great effort to keep the threatening tears from spurting out of the corners of my lids. I can't… I just can't hold it in… I begin to weep.

"Creation is the matter of will… All the same, you can be alive and be very much dead- as well as dead and very much alive. To be alive- one must know your story. However, you have no heart to unlock that story. You are here, secluded, because it is your destiny…"

"You are a doll! You are the one with no heart!!"

Furiously, she spins her head around and around so rapidly and so revoltingly that I feel the excessive need to vomit. On her last rotation, her head straightened while staring blankly, yet maliciously right at me. I gasp- covering my mouth with my palms in reaction to what I am seeing. This doll no longer had tight brown curls-, they became my shade of hair- minty. The contours of her face and complexion altered to match my own. This doll… she is ME!!!

*****

            "Do you see? This is a looking glass… The person on the other side is you…"

            "No. It's not the same. Everything on the other side is flipped. She is not me…"

            "So you believe in Alice in Wonderland?"

            "There's no Wonderland… Just the mirror…"

*****

            "Go into the mirror Yukina… If you want to see the truth…"

            Gazing into my reflection, I see not myself, but a mannequin version of me. I take my eyes away. "That is not the truth… I have a body…"

            "The body of a doll…" She elaborated bluntly. "Touch the mirror Yukina… It will not break because it is YOUR mirror and YOUR mirror alone. Go into it…"

            "What good will that do me?" I'm not sure if this doll can sense it- but fear riveted throughout. And so, I feel my knees beginning to buckle against my will. This is a mirror. You can't go into solid object. That's as far as logic takes me… Whatever logic there is… So I AM naïve…

            "If you go inside, you will go inside yourself. Whether or not it will be worth anything- I don't know… Still, if you decide to do such a thing- remember that you will be caged in there…"

            "That is no different from how everything is now…" Was this courage speaking for me? "I have nothing to lose then…"

            Outstretching my hand- I find that my fingers actually dip into the glass instead of meeting solid surface. The glass makes ripples at my stroke- like water, only no splashes or anything of that sort. Finally, I have one whole hand in, and the mirror is compelled to pull me inside. I wail loudly before the desolate place I knew disappeared from sight.

            "You're in your own wonderland now… Welcome to your nightmares Yukina…"

*****

            "How do you feel when you lie in bed at night?"

            "…Like I'm on top, looking down on the ceiling…"

*****

            Heavily, I land onto the ground. Blinking surprised, I'm no longer in the position I was in before entering the mirror. The environment was eye-level to me. I can walk as everyone else… Right-side up… Now what is happening? It is even darker than in the room I had first met the doll… This is the inside of me? But there is nothing… This is the truth? Nothing…?

            "Nothing isn't nothing because it is something…"

            A new voice echoed in this space, my head and eyes darting from angle to angle to find the owner. So there is something here… There is something within myself…

            "Who… who is there?" Abruptly, smooth hairs- silky, rub against my face. I had to shut my eyes in order to keep them from hurting me. Once the hairs whipped off- I reopened my eyes to find a fox sitting before me. He was a beautiful fox- fur glistening even in this obscurity, eyes as golden as the sun and fur as silver as the sparkles of water down a creek… Beautiful…

            "I am a friend. The fox that watches and knows everything…" Standing on all fours, he pads around me- as if examining my figure from this kneeling poise.

            "You have no heart…"

            I wince at that remark.

            "A girl with no heart is not a being, but a doll." The fox licks my hand. "Lift your palm… What do you see?"

            Obeying, I do as he says. Falling backwards, I scream. I had the hand of a mannequin. No fingers, but one thumb- completely immobile and lacking the warmth of life. I look to the fox.

            "What am I to you little girl?" My lips are quivering together uncontrollably.   

"Am I a fox? Is that what you see? Little girl, don't trust your eyes for then you will believe anything. Such naiveté is dangerous to you…"

            He sits on his haunches, long coat growing back into his flesh, eyes widening and long snout lining with scales. Changing forms- he asks me a new question. "Now what do you see?"

            "I see…" Water is surfacing, spilling out of my sockets and blurring my vision yet again. I squint to make-out the figure before me. "I see.. a dragon…"

            "How many dragons are there…?"

            Bowing my head down, green hair brushing along my neck- I squeeze my eyes. "I see one."

            "Are you sure?"

            I glance up. Two of them.

            "I see two."

            "Are you sure?" 

            Four.

            "I see four."

            "How do you know?"

            Eight.

            "Eight."

            "Numbers are nothing. That you should know. A number is a nothing that is a something of use…"

            Grasping my head tightly with both hands- I shake it form side to side. "I don't understand a word you are saying…"

            Hot steamy breath bounces off the skin over my face. The dragons are not there anymore- nor the fox. A new creature lay in front of me. Long necked, with an equally long tail. Irises as jewely as sapphires. Two large legs of a hawk, and bat wings. Face of a snake to go with the neck. No arms, but a torso of a lion. It raises its neck to tower over me with superiority. 

            "What are you…?"

            "I am the most beautiful creature of this world…"

            "You are not lovely… You are hideous! You are a monster!"

            "And what is a monster to you? A monster is nothing, but it is something with a purpose…"

            This things drawling was becoming one of a broken record. Now I feel more determined than ever. "Then what good are you?!"

            He hisses his black tongue through his scaled lips before answering. "You are the one that created me- therefore you are the one who should know. Eating dolls is what I do, but since you are my creator, I cannot destroy you without the cost of destroying myself."

            "But I do not remember creating you…"

            "I exist because o you… You HAVE made me, yet you don't remember. You don't NEED to remember because you have made me at an unconscious level. So long as your unconscious state of mind remains unconscious- I will be here forever…"

            I stand myself, and back to where the other side of the looking glass had been. It is no longer there, I AM caged. The sound of bars soaring up from the non-existent grounding begins to ensue. One by one, substantial bars arise- surrounding this nightmare and me together. 

            "There is a cage because it is YOUR cage. It belongs to you like your doll's body. You have no heart, so you have no key to unlock this imprisonment."

            The bars fully enclose us, but it seems as though they are spinning around. Faster and faster they go- the paradox of a carousel… We are bathed in white light…

*****

            "The horses on a carousel are fake- they're not real…"

            "If they are not real… What are they?"

            "They are horses with no heart. A creature with no heart is either an insect or a

monster…"

*****

            "HELP!!!" I scream and scream, whipping my body to set myself free from being strapped too tightly onto this carrousel. Up and down… Up and down- on this horse with no being whatsoever.

            "Poor girl… Is this your world?" Gazing back, there is a man behind on a black marble horse. It's eyes conveyed insanity as it's mouth bore open to pride it's angry teeth- a statue poised for anger, legs frozen in movement of a war-like gallop. The man was lean and carried an air of trepidation about him. His eyes had no glow- no pupils. Only deep brown spheres with nothing within. His hair too- was self-effacing. Blond strands drooped down from his thin skull- filled with weight as well as despair.

            "Who…?" The merry-go-round whirls faster, my own locks flying behind me in dense tides. We are going too fast… I'm about to blackout…

            "I was created by you… You may not remember, but you are my creator…"

            "So when…?" The carrousel jerks for another revolution. Air blows at us fiercely- I cannot even open my eyes to see what is happening. Then, I turn to the mirrors mounted at the center. I see myself… A doll in a kimono, tied onto a lifeless horse…

            "What is a dream?"

            His gentle voice pulls me out of a daze. Before I can reply, he continues to speak.

            "Is a dream real? Or is the world a dream? What separates the two? Could it be that they coincide with one another to validify that there is a sun AND a moon? For what reason is there a backstage mentality which exists within each and every individual?"

            "I… I…" I'm just a little girl who doesn't… "I don't know…" Pearls seep through, departing from my lashes and gliding behind.

            "You don't know because your heart isn't there… Are you a doll?"

            Again, I look to the mirrors.


	3. Tear Drop Catcher Chapter 3 (Le Finale)

"Tear-Drop Catcher" Chapter Three- La Finale

10/29/00

By: Hikari

E-mail to: elvina99@hotmail.com

Notes: At the end of this chapter.

*****

            "Why am I important to you?"

            "Because you know my story…"

            "Is that all?"

            "No… I also know yours…"

*****

            There is a loud crash. A shatter. A breaking of glass. Everything around me crumbles. This evil world of my own collapses to the ground. It all vanishes. The ropes, which had tied me to the horse, disintegrate along with all others. I am free…

*****

            "You can be a slave without chains…"

            "A slave to whom?"

            "To yourself."

*****

            My hair falls down, and now I am walking on the sky's walkways once more. Perhaps free was the wrong choice of words. Then again, there are so many tortures out there beyond physical and emotional comprehension that it tries such a word. A bird set free with her wings clipped. I've flown into myself and came out with nothing of my goal. Now I wonder… Who set me free?

            "You are not the one…"

            Looking to the side- I spy a young man crouching at my mirror. He was so young. Fair skinned, with contrasting pitch-black hair. His irises fly up swiftly to catch my stare. They are wine-colored- deadly. In spite of this, I am not the least bit frightened. He is upside down. He is like me.

            "What do you mean?" I ask.

            Bitterly, he collects the glass fragments into his palms and clutched them so fervently it cuts his flesh. He doesn't bleed. "A doll stole my heart. With it she stole my story- I have lost everything."

            Inching closer, I crouch beside him. "A doll?"

            Emotionlessly, he nods- spiky hair bouncing weightlessly to his movements. "I saw you in the looking glass… I thought you were the one who had my heart, but I assume I am wrong." Lashing his head in another direction- he continues. "What were you doing within your own mirror? Do you know that you would have perished?"

            Sadly, I delve into my clothing to expose my chest. "I have no heart… I am a doll…"

            "…That is impossible…"

            At this, my eyes widen.

            "A doll shouldn't have a hole in her chest because a doll never has a heart to begin with. I am labeled an imp, for a boy with no heart is called as such… But like a doll, an imp never had a heart…"

            Cautiously, the young man gazes back at me. His pupils shimmered lively while foretold of sorrow. My chest hurts…

            "I should have known my heart was lost forever… I am a fool to think I could ever find it again…"

            "But there's hope…" I impeded hastily. "Don't give-up… You'll find it…"

            Focus discerning into me, he probes my features. What is he looking for? Does he know something?

            "And you… are looking for your own heart?"

            A nod.

            "Little girl… Dear girl… Your heart has always been with you…"

            I blink. "…What…?"

            Touching the hole in my chest with one hand, his palm warms in temperature- until radiating a magnificent light. There is a sound… of beating…

            DUM DUM…

            DUM DUM…

            DUM DUM…

            "You've always had it… Your life must have been so unfairly cruel to you that it had frozen over time… Do you hear it? The sound of beating? That is your heart… It had iced and so became difficult to see… It's there…"

*****

            "All I need is to be caressed. Love will start the beating… That is an eternal rule…"

*****

            "I've… Always had it?" I hold onto his hand. "You found it for me… All this time I couldn't find it myself… Thank-you…"

            My ears catch the sound of his teeth grinding… Had I angered him?

            "You shouldn't thank me… I tore down your world…"

            Bits of glass slip in between his other fingers- cascading like fairy dust. "You tore down a world with no light. I'm even more grateful for that…"

            It is now that I look into him- half expecting some sort of response. When he didn't say a word- I moved on. "It's horrible that a doll took your heart… Was she so jealous?"

            "It should come as no surprise… A doll has nothing in the inside, yet still exists. A doll is hollow, which is why she is breakable. If she can ruin another- maybe then she won't feel so alone. But now… I am the one with no heart… I am the one who is empty. It's because of that that I myself grew jealous and accused you of the one stealing what rightfully belonged to me… I'm sorry…"

            I'm at a loss as to what to say. I feel guilty. "Maybe I DID steal your heart…"

            He looks up.

            "I don't know… All I have are bad memories... Some vague… Others distinct… I don't know anything of myself… My story…"  
  


            "There's nothing wrong with that. You can choose to discard bad memories. If you forget them, those hurtful stories never had existed. Stories that are not remembered were never manifested… Your heart is blank- since this is true, you can fill it with a new story that you wish to keep as yours. It doesn't matter whether or not your heart came with its story because the owner of the heart can fill it with what she wishes… You are lucky to have one… So please… Don't despair…"

            He is so… kind to me. I shed happy tears. Tears worth shedding. As the pearls drop, he catches every one of them before they could reach the lands beneath.

            "You and I…" I say. "Are very much alike… The world holds us upside down to them."

            Quietly, he opens my hands to set the pearls in. "They are not worthy to possess these… These belong to you…"  
  


            Overjoyed, a smile breaks through the clouds about my face. "How can you say you have no heart? You care too much to not have one…"

            Putting my hand into my chest- I break my heart in half. "Take this… Half of my heart… It is yours because you are apart of it…"

            "I don't deserve this…"

            "Yes you do…" I place the portion inside the puncture in his upper torso. "Our hearts will beat together… Like twins…"

            He in turn smiles. "Thank-you… But what of your world? And who told you you didn't have a heart?"

            "The world doesn't matter much to me. Not that world at least. The one who told me was an eyeless doll…"

            Thin eyebrows furrowing, his grip tightens around the glass pieces of my mirror. "A doll with no eyes is a broken doll… She envied you because she knew you had a heart while she didn't… What's more, she had no eyes to even see that she was a useless doll, while you could easily see her loss…"

            "So I became… HER doll?"

            "She played with you and did this…" Relieving his balled fits- the looking glass shone in shards. "I wouldn't have don't this if I hadn't seen a doll-like figure within it…"

            Taken aback, I gaze out. "She made me blacken my world inside-out, while she tempted you to shatter it permanently… That doll had nothing. To feel better, she corrupted what I had… She knew I was a child… That I was confused… and she twisted this at her will…"

My new friend brings his attention to my looking glass. "If I can be apart of your world… Would you allow me to hold it together?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I merge with you shattered world… I can make you a new mirror…"

"You would do that for me?"

"As you said… We are twins… Because of this… that makes us brother and sister… Since we have the same heart, I would do this for you because I love you…"

"You… have just met me … You're willing to sacrifice so much for my sake?"

"You had already given me half of your heart… That's all I need to live… Before finding you- I never had such loving words- or compassion… If I will be your brother… Will you be my sister?"

Without hesitation. "Yes."

"Then let me do this for you… I don't mind being your reflection because I can see you whenever I like… I'll catch your smiles… I'll catch your tears… I'll be your shadow…"

So much heart from only a half… "Why is this what you want?"

"What more do I have if not this?"

*****

            If you haven't met someone- that someone isn't there…"

*****

            "I will know your story- while you know mine… That is our heart…"

            "You're so eager to be my brother… Is this our true destiny?"

            The particles at his finger tips resonate- augmenting the spectrum of white light. He closes his eyes as a soft smile is drawn across his lips. "I'll hold your world together… and I can see you as much as I like… That's all I want, and this heart is telling me it's all you want too…"

            "Wait! What is your name?"

            "…Hiei…"

*****

            "If time means nothing to the heart- then we have all the time we need. I don't have to have so many memories of you because we always make new ones everyday. I can love you as my sister or brother hardly knowing anything because there is no other good in this world… What have I to lose…?"

*****

            "Little girl… I see you've found your heart… Would you like me to tell you a story?"

            I turn my back on her. "I have no use for a broken doll… You know nothing… My heart is overflowing with love… I've found my story, and it's mine to keep forever… Between him and me is all that is important… I don't need you to tell me the story because I am the one who has it. You are a fraud- a taker of joy and innocence. Who needs a broken doll like you?"

*****

            "A heartless girl is a doll…

            A heartless boy is an imp…

            A heartless creature is either an insect or a monster…"

            "What is the story of your heart?"

~*~*~*~

Author's Notes:

            Yes, I know the writing was horribly stiff and very forced. In addition, the story in itself is quite confusing. I suppose what I wanted to do was play around with the elasticity of words. Words are so powerful that you can do anything with them, and since you can do anything with them, meaning can be a lot more than surface value. I like reading things that make me think. Books that use words puzzles, in-between-the lines messages, metaphors, and symbolism. What story intrigued me most is Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll- a favorite of mine since I was four. At any rate, I've received complaints for this story, so to clear things up, here's a translation- if you will- of Tear Drop Catcher.

            Nothing in this story was meant to be taken literally. The first example to this is the antagonist of it all- the doll.

            The doll isn't actually a doll- rather, a non-functioning part of the mental self. There are two types of people in the world- dolls and the being. Those who submit themselves to emotional guilt and torture mercilessly are thus dolls because they have no feeling. In a sense they 'play' with themselves, hurt themselves, and do harm to others for they posses no heart. This is why I chose the doll for my symbol representing this state of mind. A doll feels nothing, and when we humans act as such- we become callous devices. Particularly, the doll in this fic was Yukina's subconscious self-affliction. Everyone must have had, at least once, weighed down his or her guilt and miseries upon his or her own back when it was completely superfluous. We do this to ourselves because it is a characteristic that marks us as human. In Yukina's case, she brought more agony onto herself because she felt that she wasn't at all like the others (the rest of the world- the populous).  Over and over she questions why she is shunned. We all know that since she was the offspring of an ice demon of treason- Yukina should have encountered some ostracism as a young girl as her brother had.   This thus leads to the explanation to: 'walking upside-down'.

            Walking upside-down (by my definition) means to look at the world in a different, and possibly, more pessimistic view. It could otherwise be justified that the world 'holds them upside-down' because they (Yukina and Hiei) are different and therefore- non-existent. This is actually a very much how society is today. People look down on those below them. When they do this, they bind those below they 'superiorize' over 'upside-down' since they view them as queerly unalike. Experiencing this kind of emotional torments is BOUND to freeze the heart, which is yet another symbol of the plot.

            At times, we convince ourselves to believe something that isn't true- whether bad or good. One perfect example of this is the mental illness of anorexia. No matter how thin the patient is, he or she will continue to believe that he or she is still overwhelmingly fat. For Yukina and Hiei, they somewhat convinced themselves that since they are of much absurdity to the world- they must have lost something important- the heart. Of course, some might wonder about the significance and the impossibility of Yukina actually reaching to her chest and tearing her heart apart for her brother. Once again, nothing can be absolutely be taken literally, however- I fully intended for our imaginations see what I have written. Words ALWAYS have more than one meaning, which is why this story must be viewed in two different, but coinciding, ways. One depicting the actual writing- the other the deeper meaning within the words used. Now I am digressing- back to the shared heart. What I mean by a doll stealing Hiei's heart is a soulless being took away his purpose in life. In other words- he sees no light, no love. But when he found Yukina after saving her, hiei re-acquired the heart he lost BECAUSE of her. There are many ways to interpret the plot and themes, and it's best for the reader to translate as they like it. This analysis is to help clear some things up.

            Now to more complex symbols. First, the carousel. A carousel is something of innocence and childhood. We 'ride' this carousel before reaching adolescence. Once the ride is finally over- we must 'dismount' from those horses (childish fantasies), in order to grow. Yukina is bound in between innocence and self-discovery because of her psychological trials. She would have been trapped forever in her confusion if Hiei hadn't broken her mirror.

            The mirror is a composition of the self and your personal world. For the reason Yukina wanted to know the truth- she HAD to search within herself FOR that truth. This defines why she went into her mirror; to find the truth, that is- the truth to who she really is.          

            The fox is cunning, and a manifestation of Yukina's mind. It changes forms because it is ever-morphing- fickle and inconstant. The fox is actually a monster in beauty's disguise. The monster is composed of the fear of unknowing. In life, there is this looming trepidation of being unaware or unable to know the future. 'What will happen? What have I done? Is it true I have a soul?' This doubting has created the creature of Yukina's mind which is why it was created at a subconscious level. Yukina did not intentionally create the monster. It was born because of fear, an element no one has control over.

            The thin hopeless man on the carousel is also a subconscious manifestation. He truly represents self-pity and dread. For the purpose he is on he carousel- it could be that the dread represented by him is leaving the innocence or finding something of the self we feel compelled to loathe. You can deduce the man however he appears because there shouldn't be an incorrect answer.

            The story. The story of the heart is just that. A story. The story of the heart is what we know as the most treasured memory(s) that make us who we are. Everyone has their own story. However, if no one knows your story- you don't exist because there was no evidence of you. Hiei and Yukina know each other's story. Not the story of their pasts or any of that sort. Rather, they know each other's story because they complete each other. In a way, Rose-san is right on the point of relationship. Tales of how two similar souls become twins. One doesn't need to know another's history for the cause that knowing another's smile is more than enough. That smile shared IS the memory. Happiness opens the truth, which unlocks the book to you story to fill with what you please. This is how I view the best parts of life.

Rainbow dew- the bubble that floated to Yukina. Happiness that one can't reach. Restricted- untouchable. When Yukina popped the bubble- the joy showered over the earth and she couldn't even seize one bit. The tears she shed, however, were her tears and HER tears alone. Because she shed them- such treasures belong to no other, but herself.

            Intravenous questions throughout the fic. For instance: 

"It's so hard to breathe…"

            "You do know why don't you?"

            "It's because I'm drowning myself…"

            These questions are not spoken by any of the characters, however, each question plays of importance to the story. Every question has its own meaning. In this matter, it's hard to breathe because I am drowning myself. Drowning myself in what? It could be tears, anger, hatred, sadness- any emotion the heart feels. These questions have many angled answers, but the most accurate answers are barely direct (think of it as good accuracy, but bad precision). The purposes of these were to refresh the readers mind. All though we do not know it- we ourselves ask these kinds of questions to ourselves almost everyday. The only catch is, I've written the questions differently so it would SEEM that these inquiries are new to thought and are gliding on the lines of paranoia insanity- when in reality, these probings are perfectly normal. (Example: What should I do? ~could be transformed to à There are so many doors… Which should I open?) While one is direct- the other is not, and therefore can be taken more than one way.    

Finally- no need for a broken doll. It's bad enough for one to have the characteristics of a doll, but an eyeless doll is not only emotionless, but also blind. Yukina states that the doll is a fraud. Meaning, the doll is not the source of the truth because it is made of cold and jealousy. It isn't that Yukina is jealous, but it would be natural for her to wish to be accepted by the world. Think of a doll or broken doll as the evil side of every girl. Of course, there is no need for such evil. Evil conscious is a voice we hear everyday and tries our good judgment. It is dangerous to listen to a broken doll. 

            I didn't clarify everything, but I hope this helps to put things into their proper perspectives. Any further questions may be e-mailed to me ^_^. Also, thank-you minna-san for taking the time to read it, I honestly thought it was TOO weird to put up with, but it's a nice style to experiment because there are no limits to your selection of words.


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